Number 1 Key to Good Parenting
The numbers are chilling. Teen suicide and homicide rates have tripled from twenty years ago. There is a 50% increase in childhood obesity. Teenage pregnancy rates are the highest for any Western society. SAT scores have plummeted. 15-20% of kids are flunking kindergarten. Millions of children are medicated to be more “manageable” at home and school. One of the ongoing tragedies in our culture is that these problems are occurring in our most precious national resource, our children. Can these stats be turned around? Yes, and much of it can be prevented.
Here are the 5 basic prevention factors in raising good kids: good parenting, physical nourishment, love, guidance and environmental benefits. Simple Simon right? It sounds easy, yet Dr. Michael Dana, life coach and an expert in juvenile affairs for the Federal government states, “The mission of good parenting is the fostering of children in a manner that allows them to grow up to be normal, productive and law-abiding adults who have successfully realized their God-given potential.” So what does that mean to you and I as parents?
Here’s Dr. Dana’s Number 1 Key:
Effective parenting starts with being involved in your children’s lives.
In our busyness, we are often distracted and not really “with” our children. Giving children quantity and quality time, in today’s world is hard! Parents who are striving to spend more time with their children are learning to be creative. Barb, a busy mom of 2 girls, works part time so she can be home when her girls come home from school. “I want to make the most of every moment I spend with Kimmy and Carleigh. Even the time we spend in the car running errands can be productive; we play word games, work on spelling, or play audio books. My girls know I’m interested in their school work and learning is more fun when we do it together.”
Dr. Dana, dad of three, emphasizes: some Be-Attitudes for Parents:
Be aware.
Be a listener.
Be good at helping your children express their feelings.
Be engaged.
Participate in your child’s activities and interests. This can be done in a variety of ways – by talking about family history, allowing them to have free time to play and explore, through reading good classical and faith-based literature, establishing family traditions, and by sharing your own life experiences.
There is an urgent need for families to lessen their hurried lifestyles and become a haven, one that is nurturing for both children and adults. Dr. David Elkind’s advice, in his landmark book, “The Hurried Child” written more than—can you believe it– 20 years ago, seems to have gone unheeded. “The pressure to grow up fast, to achieve early is a driving force in middle-class America. There is no room today for the “late bloomer”… Children have to achieve success early or they are regarded as losers.” Many parents push their kids to be involved in activities because they feel peer group pressure to make their children as competent as the neighbor’s kids. This not only robs hurried children of a childhood, but also robs them of the most important gift a parent can give – their undivided time and attention.
Family mealtimes, traditionally an occasion of family bonding, has seen a decline in modern times. Working mothers, who customarily carry the weight of this responsibility, often find it difficult to make regular home-cooked meals a reality. Bill and Nancy, both working parents, felt increasingly scattered and distant from their teenaged boys. They determined to prioritize their time as a family. Nancy finally came up with a solution – she marshaled the family to help on the weekend with cooking meals for the week. “This made all the difference in the world; we realized that our boys only had a few years left at home and we were missing it. Not only did the extra planning and time pay off in helping my boys learn their way around the kitchen, we experienced a lot more communication and connecting as a family.”
Parents as a group, are the least prepared to tackle the most challenging, and yet rewarding job of raising children. Think how much time and expense is spent learning a profession. Dr. Dana offers this advice, “No parent is perfect, but those parents who truly want the best for their children should always be vigilant to get support and education.”
Raising A Teen: 3 Common Parenting Challenges and How To Handle Them
Being a parent of a teenager isn’t easy. Your teen is finding his own way, testing the limits and discovering who she is. The adolescent years can be trying, but they don’t have to be tumultuos if you know what to expect. Here are three parenting challenges and solutions to overcome them.
Parenting Challenge #1
My adolescent is so moody and rebellious.
Solution
It is important to understand that your child is becoming a young adult. And while you need to hold on to your authority and maintain control of your home you also need to know that adolescence is a transitional time for both you and your child. Developmentally, adolescents need to separate from their parents so that they can establish their own identity and figure out what matters most to them. The most important thing that you can do is remind yourself that you are no longer dealing with a child, but an emerging young adult. Some things you may want to consider are:
Changing your parenting techniques to meet the developmental needs of an adolescent.
Instill responsibility by giving your child a little more freedom. Don’t forget to remind your adolescent that with additional freedom comes additional expectations and responsibilities. Improve communication by keeping the lines open. Try to compromise when possible. Give your adolescent room to be a teenager.
Parenting Challenge #2
I feel like I just don’t know him/her anymore.
Solution
Many children become secretive and more private during adolescence. They spend more time in their rooms, on the phone and away from your watchful eye. They put up a fight when they’re asked to participate in family activities and treat every question that you ask as an invasion of their privacy and often respond with a flippant remark. But it is important for you to remember that no matter how much your adolescent tries to shut you out, it is your job as the parent to make sure you stay connected. Some things you may want to consider are:
Respect your adolescent’s right to privacy, while still making sure to monitor his behavior and whereabouts. When your adolescent comes to you with a problem, no matter how trivial you think it might be treat her problem serious giving her your undivided attention and helpful feedback. Show your adolescent that his interests are important to you. If he writes poetry ask him to recite a poem for you.
Parenting Challenge #3
My adolescent doesn’t appreciate anything I do for him or her.
Solution
The feeling of being unappreciated is voiced by many parents, especially parents of adolescents. Believe it or not, adolescents really do appreciate what their parents do for them. They may not say or show it, but they do appreciate you especially as they get older. What happens is adolescents are so preoccupied with their own wants and needs that they fail to realize that parents are people too. Some things you may want to consider are:
Open your eyes to other indicators of gratitude. It could be a smile, a certain gesture, a kiss on the cheek for no apparent reason or helping around the house without having to be told to do it. As you teach your adolescent important values, talk about the values of gratitude and appreciation. Model the values of appreciation and gratitude by letting people know how much they mean to you, sending a thank-you note or repaying a kind gesture with another kind gesture. Encourage your adolescent to do the same.
Good Genes Cannot Always Make Up For Bad Parenting
If you are a smart person and have good genes in your family and your spouse also has good genes and is fairly intelligent then chances are you will have an intelligent offspring. But good genes cannot make up for bad parenting because even if you have a stupid child, but that child is well educated then the nurturing can make up for the stupid genes.
Good genes cannot always make up for bad parenting and if you properly nurture your child plus they have good genes than the chances are you’ll have a superstar of an offspring and something to be very proud of you created. However, if you waste those good genes and do not educate your child properly you’ll end up with a little monster who will end up costing society and civilization and taxpayers millions of dollars over their lifetime in destruction, rehabilitation, police, fire and prison systems.
Good genes cannot always make up for bad parenting and you have responsibility to nurture your child since you brought them into the world. It may take a village to raise a child, but it takes good parenting to monitor that everything is going successfully and it is your sole responsibility to make sure that happens.
It is not my responsibility to make sure that your good genes in your child make them successful. Just because you have good genes does not mean that you can alleviate yourself from the responsibility of proper parenting.
Parenting: Top Speaker Notes One Reason “Mad Dads” Overreact At Their Kids’ Ballgames
Why do men seem to get uncorked and do all kinds of strange things at their children’s ballgames?
There is the loud type who feels he has to bark directions at his Little Leaguer as the boy or girl is at the plate.
And there is the even more aggressive type who is compelled to argue with soccer and basketball referees.
Finally, there is the guy that goes completely overboard, picking fights with fellow parents, umpires, and even league officials, when they’re around.
What do these behaviors have in common and why do they come out during athletic competitions and not when their kids are singing in the glee club?
I believe it all boils down to emotion. Men have emotions but are famous for suppressing them.
But we’ve been taught and have observed that it’s okay to show strong emotions in one place: at a sporting venue.
For example, my dad was a mild-mannered gentleman. Universally, people thought he was a nice guy, and I agree with that assessment.
But when he’d hit the ballpark, he morphed like a vampire or the wolf man.
He’d bark out encouragement to me in the strangest, guttural voice. I didn’t have a problem with it, but I did notice something was askew.
I have always speculated that at some level he was imitating either the guy that sold newspapers on the corner, or someone he saw at old Comiskey Park, in Chicago, where the White Sox played.
Normally, a very controlled guy, he let it rip and let his emotions show at the baseball diamond.
And I believe men who go overboard, unlike dad, believe that’s okay because they have no other places where they can permit their aggressions to come out.
By the way, when league officials have cracked down on aggressive cheering and have invoked rules of silence for the sidelines, many men have complained that much of the joy has been removed from kid-sports.
Parenting Tips On Getting Your Child To Take Medicine They Hate
As a parent you hate it when your kids are sick. We want them to get better as quick as possible, and of course usually the quickest way is with antibiotics or medicine of some kind.
Where the problem comes in is when your child does not like their medicine and does not want to take it. While you of course will give your child what the doctor prescribes but don’t be afraid to ask about the taste and if you have a child that struggles to take a certain kind of medicine see if their is an alternative.
Yes we can force feed them their medicine but it is unpleasant for everyone and if your child gets upset enough they will just throw it back up anyway. Plus unless you are extremely proficient at this you may waste doses.
Anything you can do for your child to make it easier for them to take their medicine will get them healthier quicker and save you and them from some miserable moments.
I have found with liquids that don’t taste good that if I have a drink ready with something sweet it seems to help, I have even been known to use a spoon full of sugar to help the medicine go down easier.
While no parent likes to do it you can plug your child’s nose so they have to open their mouth and try it that way. If your quick it does work most of the time, but that doesn’t solve the problem if they hate their chewables or can’t swallow pills easy.
I finally resorted to bribery with the nasty tasting chewable medicine. We got a package of sweet tarts and she would have a sweet tart, follow it with the chewable, and then another sweet tart. This of course only works if you child likes this type of candy. But you can try others if you have to.
When it comes to pills that need to be swallowed that is sometimes tough for children to learn how to do. I have found that placing the pill in a spoonful of applesauce makes it easier for my daughter to get the pill down without choking.
I hope these tips help. Make sure you are firm when it comes to medicine, let them know that somehow someway the medicine must get into their tummy to make them feel better. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be sympathetic and follow the dosage with a whole lot of attention and love.
Parenting Skills
It’s amazing, how many parents, years ago, managed to successfully rear their children, without the help of ‘parenting skills’- a concept completely alien until comparatively recently. There’s no doubt whatsoever that the arrival of a new baby, with all its needs, can be overwhelming initially, turning a previously balanced and structured regime into one of chaos. There are some parents who find it almost impossible to cope, particularly if the mother is unlucky enough to suffer from post natal depression. Even a mother who is fit and healthy is sometimes frightened by the responsibility she bears for attending to the wants of a new baby. The mother quickly realises that this little scrap of humanity is totally dependent on her which can at times seem daunting.
However, with the number of books on baby care, plus clinics and medical facilities available, a new mother has help undreamed of only fifty years ago. In addition, she has numerous labour saving gadgets including washing machines, disposable nappies, bottle warmers etc. which all contribute to making her life easier than that experienced by her mother. But it appears all these advantages are not enough to enable mothers to bring up their children without lessons in ‘parenting skills’. Incredible as it may sound, the basic ingredient required for bringing up children are two words, ‘common sense’. It has to be admitted that it takes time to come to terms with the arrival of a new person in a household but it doesn’t take rocket science to learn how to rear that new baby.
Common sense should provide enough guidance along with the informative books and medical help mentioned previously. Even people with no experience with babies can successfully bring up a child without lessons in ‘parenting skills’. All these’ parenting skills’ are after all, when examined, based on common sense. It doesn’t take much imagination to know when a baby needs feeding, changing or is tired. It takes practice but soon becomes second nature. Some mothers feed ‘on demand’, others prefer a strict time-table. Obviously whichever system works is the one to adopt; there’s certainly nothing mysterious or difficult about it. As the baby settles down, puts on weight and shows signs of growth, the easier things become. Some babies will always cry more than others which can be distressing for the parent but again, using common sense, mothers begin to recognise what’s upsetting their baby and so take the necessary steps to deal with the problem. Then the baby begins to flourish and, at this stage, can bring tremendous happiness and joy to the parents as they watch their baby develop with its own personality. There is nothing more rewarding.
Quite frankly, most ‘parenting skills’ are innate, there to be used when called upon. All children need understanding and love, particularly love which most parents are only too happy to display. Always being there for their children is the most reassuring stand any parent can take. Obviously, as a child grows, it’s important for him/her to discover there are right and wrong ways to behave and responsible parents will ensure their children learn these differences. Encouraging children to do well is fine as long as parents don’t make the mistake of pushing their offspring into situations which make them unhappy. All children are naturally curious and this curiosity helps them to learn and should never be discouraged. Equally important, however, no parent should allow their children to be burdened with unrealistic expectations. Each child eventually finds his/her level of intelligence. Forcing a child to exceed that level can be exceedingly damaging to a child’s development.
All the above points are simply based on common sense and, if used wisely, will almost always result in producing a child who is well-balanced, secure and able to cope with the trials and tribulations of growing up. This will also give huge pleasure and love in the process to his/her parents. Rocket Science? Not at all!
Logical Consequences: 5 Parenting Solutions and 1 Mistake
Have you ever given your child an illogical consequence? I have. I learned how my kids tricked me too. Don’t make this mistake.
Being a working mom, like many of you, I was so busy. Although I loved gardening, I never had enough time to weed the rain ditch in front of our home. When my boys misbehaved I thought I had the perfect solution. “Go out to the ditch and pull a bucket of weeds,” I’d order.
I never noticed how quickly they pulled the weeds. I did wonder why the ditches never looked weeded. Since I was usually working in the kitchen, the boys would open the front door and yell up the stairs, “Here are the weeds, Mom.” I’d look down the stairs and nod, “OK.” Then I’d go about fixing dinner and they’d go off to play.
Now they’re adults. They recently told me their “dirty” little secret. They loaded their buckets with dirt and weeds from our compost pile. They also pulled out a few fresh weeds to top off their buckets. They knew I’d never come downstairs to check their buckets. They knew I’d never guess their “dirty” little secret.
So what did I do wrong? You got it. Two things:
I didn’t check their work closely.
My consequence for their misbehavior suited me but it didn’t suit their conduct.
My consequence wasn’t logical. What can you do to avoid my mistake?
Make sure your consequences are logical. How? Make sure they fit the misbehavior.
Here are 5 examples:
If your children fight over the TV controller – no TV.
If your child punches a hole in the wall – make him/her fix it.
If your child leaves toys around – take those toys away for a week.
If your child calls his sister bad names – require him or her to apologize nicely.
If your child won’t eat the dinner you fix – let your child go to bed hungry.
If you think before you speak, you’ll be creating consequences that fit the misbehavior. You won’t be making my mistake and you will be helping your children grow. You’ll be building character too.
The numbers are chilling. Teen suicide and homicide rates have tripled from twenty years ago. There is a 50% increase in childhood obesity. Teenage pregnancy rates are the highest for any Western society. SAT scores have plummeted. 15-20% of kids are flunking kindergarten. Millions of children are medicated to be more “manageable” at home and school. One of the ongoing tragedies in our culture is that these problems are occurring in our most precious national resource, our children. Can these stats be turned around? Yes, and much of it can be prevented.
Here are the 5 basic prevention factors in raising good kids: good parenting, physical nourishment, love, guidance and environmental benefits. Simple Simon right? It sounds easy, yet Dr. Michael Dana, life coach and an expert in juvenile affairs for the Federal government states, “The mission of good parenting is the fostering of children in a manner that allows them to grow up to be normal, productive and law-abiding adults who have successfully realized their God-given potential.” So what does that mean to you and I as parents?
Here’s Dr. Dana’s Number 1 Key:
Effective parenting starts with being involved in your children’s lives.
In our busyness, we are often distracted and not really “with” our children. Giving children quantity and quality time, in today’s world is hard! Parents who are striving to spend more time with their children are learning to be creative. Barb, a busy mom of 2 girls, works part time so she can be home when her girls come home from school. “I want to make the most of every moment I spend with Kimmy and Carleigh. Even the time we spend in the car running errands can be productive; we play word games, work on spelling, or play audio books. My girls know I’m interested in their school work and learning is more fun when we do it together.”
Dr. Dana, dad of three, emphasizes: some Be-Attitudes for Parents:
Be aware.
Be a listener.
Be good at helping your children express their feelings.
Be engaged.
Participate in your child’s activities and interests. This can be done in a variety of ways – by talking about family history, allowing them to have free time to play and explore, through reading good classical and faith-based literature, establishing family traditions, and by sharing your own life experiences.
There is an urgent need for families to lessen their hurried lifestyles and become a haven, one that is nurturing for both children and adults. Dr. David Elkind’s advice, in his landmark book, “The Hurried Child” written more than—can you believe it– 20 years ago, seems to have gone unheeded. “The pressure to grow up fast, to achieve early is a driving force in middle-class America. There is no room today for the “late bloomer”… Children have to achieve success early or they are regarded as losers.” Many parents push their kids to be involved in activities because they feel peer group pressure to make their children as competent as the neighbor’s kids. This not only robs hurried children of a childhood, but also robs them of the most important gift a parent can give – their undivided time and attention.
Family mealtimes, traditionally an occasion of family bonding, has seen a decline in modern times. Working mothers, who customarily carry the weight of this responsibility, often find it difficult to make regular home-cooked meals a reality. Bill and Nancy, both working parents, felt increasingly scattered and distant from their teenaged boys. They determined to prioritize their time as a family. Nancy finally came up with a solution – she marshaled the family to help on the weekend with cooking meals for the week. “This made all the difference in the world; we realized that our boys only had a few years left at home and we were missing it. Not only did the extra planning and time pay off in helping my boys learn their way around the kitchen, we experienced a lot more communication and connecting as a family.”
Parents as a group, are the least prepared to tackle the most challenging, and yet rewarding job of raising children. Think how much time and expense is spent learning a profession. Dr. Dana offers this advice, “No parent is perfect, but those parents who truly want the best for their children should always be vigilant to get support and education.”
Raising A Teen: 3 Common Parenting Challenges and How To Handle Them
Being a parent of a teenager isn’t easy. Your teen is finding his own way, testing the limits and discovering who she is. The adolescent years can be trying, but they don’t have to be tumultuos if you know what to expect. Here are three parenting challenges and solutions to overcome them.
Parenting Challenge #1
My adolescent is so moody and rebellious.
Solution
It is important to understand that your child is becoming a young adult. And while you need to hold on to your authority and maintain control of your home you also need to know that adolescence is a transitional time for both you and your child. Developmentally, adolescents need to separate from their parents so that they can establish their own identity and figure out what matters most to them. The most important thing that you can do is remind yourself that you are no longer dealing with a child, but an emerging young adult. Some things you may want to consider are:
Changing your parenting techniques to meet the developmental needs of an adolescent.
Instill responsibility by giving your child a little more freedom. Don’t forget to remind your adolescent that with additional freedom comes additional expectations and responsibilities. Improve communication by keeping the lines open. Try to compromise when possible. Give your adolescent room to be a teenager.
Parenting Challenge #2
I feel like I just don’t know him/her anymore.
Solution
Many children become secretive and more private during adolescence. They spend more time in their rooms, on the phone and away from your watchful eye. They put up a fight when they’re asked to participate in family activities and treat every question that you ask as an invasion of their privacy and often respond with a flippant remark. But it is important for you to remember that no matter how much your adolescent tries to shut you out, it is your job as the parent to make sure you stay connected. Some things you may want to consider are:
Respect your adolescent’s right to privacy, while still making sure to monitor his behavior and whereabouts. When your adolescent comes to you with a problem, no matter how trivial you think it might be treat her problem serious giving her your undivided attention and helpful feedback. Show your adolescent that his interests are important to you. If he writes poetry ask him to recite a poem for you.
Parenting Challenge #3
My adolescent doesn’t appreciate anything I do for him or her.
Solution
The feeling of being unappreciated is voiced by many parents, especially parents of adolescents. Believe it or not, adolescents really do appreciate what their parents do for them. They may not say or show it, but they do appreciate you especially as they get older. What happens is adolescents are so preoccupied with their own wants and needs that they fail to realize that parents are people too. Some things you may want to consider are:
Open your eyes to other indicators of gratitude. It could be a smile, a certain gesture, a kiss on the cheek for no apparent reason or helping around the house without having to be told to do it. As you teach your adolescent important values, talk about the values of gratitude and appreciation. Model the values of appreciation and gratitude by letting people know how much they mean to you, sending a thank-you note or repaying a kind gesture with another kind gesture. Encourage your adolescent to do the same.
Good Genes Cannot Always Make Up For Bad Parenting
If you are a smart person and have good genes in your family and your spouse also has good genes and is fairly intelligent then chances are you will have an intelligent offspring. But good genes cannot make up for bad parenting because even if you have a stupid child, but that child is well educated then the nurturing can make up for the stupid genes.
Good genes cannot always make up for bad parenting and if you properly nurture your child plus they have good genes than the chances are you’ll have a superstar of an offspring and something to be very proud of you created. However, if you waste those good genes and do not educate your child properly you’ll end up with a little monster who will end up costing society and civilization and taxpayers millions of dollars over their lifetime in destruction, rehabilitation, police, fire and prison systems.
Good genes cannot always make up for bad parenting and you have responsibility to nurture your child since you brought them into the world. It may take a village to raise a child, but it takes good parenting to monitor that everything is going successfully and it is your sole responsibility to make sure that happens.
It is not my responsibility to make sure that your good genes in your child make them successful. Just because you have good genes does not mean that you can alleviate yourself from the responsibility of proper parenting.
Parenting: Top Speaker Notes One Reason “Mad Dads” Overreact At Their Kids’ Ballgames
Why do men seem to get uncorked and do all kinds of strange things at their children’s ballgames?
There is the loud type who feels he has to bark directions at his Little Leaguer as the boy or girl is at the plate.
And there is the even more aggressive type who is compelled to argue with soccer and basketball referees.
Finally, there is the guy that goes completely overboard, picking fights with fellow parents, umpires, and even league officials, when they’re around.
What do these behaviors have in common and why do they come out during athletic competitions and not when their kids are singing in the glee club?
I believe it all boils down to emotion. Men have emotions but are famous for suppressing them.
But we’ve been taught and have observed that it’s okay to show strong emotions in one place: at a sporting venue.
For example, my dad was a mild-mannered gentleman. Universally, people thought he was a nice guy, and I agree with that assessment.
But when he’d hit the ballpark, he morphed like a vampire or the wolf man.
He’d bark out encouragement to me in the strangest, guttural voice. I didn’t have a problem with it, but I did notice something was askew.
I have always speculated that at some level he was imitating either the guy that sold newspapers on the corner, or someone he saw at old Comiskey Park, in Chicago, where the White Sox played.
Normally, a very controlled guy, he let it rip and let his emotions show at the baseball diamond.
And I believe men who go overboard, unlike dad, believe that’s okay because they have no other places where they can permit their aggressions to come out.
By the way, when league officials have cracked down on aggressive cheering and have invoked rules of silence for the sidelines, many men have complained that much of the joy has been removed from kid-sports.
Parenting Tips On Getting Your Child To Take Medicine They Hate
As a parent you hate it when your kids are sick. We want them to get better as quick as possible, and of course usually the quickest way is with antibiotics or medicine of some kind.
Where the problem comes in is when your child does not like their medicine and does not want to take it. While you of course will give your child what the doctor prescribes but don’t be afraid to ask about the taste and if you have a child that struggles to take a certain kind of medicine see if their is an alternative.
Yes we can force feed them their medicine but it is unpleasant for everyone and if your child gets upset enough they will just throw it back up anyway. Plus unless you are extremely proficient at this you may waste doses.
Anything you can do for your child to make it easier for them to take their medicine will get them healthier quicker and save you and them from some miserable moments.
I have found with liquids that don’t taste good that if I have a drink ready with something sweet it seems to help, I have even been known to use a spoon full of sugar to help the medicine go down easier.
While no parent likes to do it you can plug your child’s nose so they have to open their mouth and try it that way. If your quick it does work most of the time, but that doesn’t solve the problem if they hate their chewables or can’t swallow pills easy.
I finally resorted to bribery with the nasty tasting chewable medicine. We got a package of sweet tarts and she would have a sweet tart, follow it with the chewable, and then another sweet tart. This of course only works if you child likes this type of candy. But you can try others if you have to.
When it comes to pills that need to be swallowed that is sometimes tough for children to learn how to do. I have found that placing the pill in a spoonful of applesauce makes it easier for my daughter to get the pill down without choking.
I hope these tips help. Make sure you are firm when it comes to medicine, let them know that somehow someway the medicine must get into their tummy to make them feel better. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be sympathetic and follow the dosage with a whole lot of attention and love.
Parenting Skills
It’s amazing, how many parents, years ago, managed to successfully rear their children, without the help of ‘parenting skills’- a concept completely alien until comparatively recently. There’s no doubt whatsoever that the arrival of a new baby, with all its needs, can be overwhelming initially, turning a previously balanced and structured regime into one of chaos. There are some parents who find it almost impossible to cope, particularly if the mother is unlucky enough to suffer from post natal depression. Even a mother who is fit and healthy is sometimes frightened by the responsibility she bears for attending to the wants of a new baby. The mother quickly realises that this little scrap of humanity is totally dependent on her which can at times seem daunting.
However, with the number of books on baby care, plus clinics and medical facilities available, a new mother has help undreamed of only fifty years ago. In addition, she has numerous labour saving gadgets including washing machines, disposable nappies, bottle warmers etc. which all contribute to making her life easier than that experienced by her mother. But it appears all these advantages are not enough to enable mothers to bring up their children without lessons in ‘parenting skills’. Incredible as it may sound, the basic ingredient required for bringing up children are two words, ‘common sense’. It has to be admitted that it takes time to come to terms with the arrival of a new person in a household but it doesn’t take rocket science to learn how to rear that new baby.
Common sense should provide enough guidance along with the informative books and medical help mentioned previously. Even people with no experience with babies can successfully bring up a child without lessons in ‘parenting skills’. All these’ parenting skills’ are after all, when examined, based on common sense. It doesn’t take much imagination to know when a baby needs feeding, changing or is tired. It takes practice but soon becomes second nature. Some mothers feed ‘on demand’, others prefer a strict time-table. Obviously whichever system works is the one to adopt; there’s certainly nothing mysterious or difficult about it. As the baby settles down, puts on weight and shows signs of growth, the easier things become. Some babies will always cry more than others which can be distressing for the parent but again, using common sense, mothers begin to recognise what’s upsetting their baby and so take the necessary steps to deal with the problem. Then the baby begins to flourish and, at this stage, can bring tremendous happiness and joy to the parents as they watch their baby develop with its own personality. There is nothing more rewarding.
Quite frankly, most ‘parenting skills’ are innate, there to be used when called upon. All children need understanding and love, particularly love which most parents are only too happy to display. Always being there for their children is the most reassuring stand any parent can take. Obviously, as a child grows, it’s important for him/her to discover there are right and wrong ways to behave and responsible parents will ensure their children learn these differences. Encouraging children to do well is fine as long as parents don’t make the mistake of pushing their offspring into situations which make them unhappy. All children are naturally curious and this curiosity helps them to learn and should never be discouraged. Equally important, however, no parent should allow their children to be burdened with unrealistic expectations. Each child eventually finds his/her level of intelligence. Forcing a child to exceed that level can be exceedingly damaging to a child’s development.
All the above points are simply based on common sense and, if used wisely, will almost always result in producing a child who is well-balanced, secure and able to cope with the trials and tribulations of growing up. This will also give huge pleasure and love in the process to his/her parents. Rocket Science? Not at all!
Logical Consequences: 5 Parenting Solutions and 1 Mistake
Have you ever given your child an illogical consequence? I have. I learned how my kids tricked me too. Don’t make this mistake.
Being a working mom, like many of you, I was so busy. Although I loved gardening, I never had enough time to weed the rain ditch in front of our home. When my boys misbehaved I thought I had the perfect solution. “Go out to the ditch and pull a bucket of weeds,” I’d order.
I never noticed how quickly they pulled the weeds. I did wonder why the ditches never looked weeded. Since I was usually working in the kitchen, the boys would open the front door and yell up the stairs, “Here are the weeds, Mom.” I’d look down the stairs and nod, “OK.” Then I’d go about fixing dinner and they’d go off to play.
Now they’re adults. They recently told me their “dirty” little secret. They loaded their buckets with dirt and weeds from our compost pile. They also pulled out a few fresh weeds to top off their buckets. They knew I’d never come downstairs to check their buckets. They knew I’d never guess their “dirty” little secret.
So what did I do wrong? You got it. Two things:
I didn’t check their work closely.
My consequence for their misbehavior suited me but it didn’t suit their conduct.
My consequence wasn’t logical. What can you do to avoid my mistake?
Make sure your consequences are logical. How? Make sure they fit the misbehavior.
Here are 5 examples:
If your children fight over the TV controller – no TV.
If your child punches a hole in the wall – make him/her fix it.
If your child leaves toys around – take those toys away for a week.
If your child calls his sister bad names – require him or her to apologize nicely.
If your child won’t eat the dinner you fix – let your child go to bed hungry.
If you think before you speak, you’ll be creating consequences that fit the misbehavior. You won’t be making my mistake and you will be helping your children grow. You’ll be building character too.