Aging Parents and Role Reversal
This is the day you thought would never happen. Your roles in life are reversing. Your trying to make decisions for yourself and your Aging Parent. What will be best for them without altering your life too drastically. How do you keep up the pace and ultimately please everyone around you? You are not alone in life, you have a family, significant other, a career to think about. You want to balance everything to keep everyone happy and life as normal as possible. Think again! Those once a week visits or daily phone calls aren’t enough anymore. Your parent needs care, the real kind.
The care includes making sure they eat, that they take their meds, that their money isn’t being floundered away on TV shopping. You have siblings that think Assisted Living or Nursing Facilities are awful and they don’t want to put Mom or Dad in one even though they also don’t want to help out. How do you cope? How do you deal with this situation without alienating every member of your family?
First understand, it’s not about you. What I mean by that statement is that it is not about guilt and what some think is the “Right thing to do”. It’s not about hanging on to someone that they used to be. They are an elderly person in need of constant care and attention. If you need a dose of growing up, this situation will make it happen whether your ready or not!
Start with their doctor. Have an appointment to discuss the faltering health of your beloved parent. You can also check into the hospital that their health care is associated. Every hospital has an elder care group of some type. The medical coverage will also have affiliations with elder sourcing. Between the doctor and the medical coverage group, you may be able to determine the types of help and living style your parents current status requires. Keep asking until you have the best situation for all concerned. It may be as simple as an Aide visiting once or twice a day to help with showering, dressing, meals and meds. Their health may need more than that and the visiting nurse or doctor’s office is the place to apply the concern. The best word to learn to help an elder parent is the same as if your infant child were being cared for and that is SAFETY. If safety is not at the level necessary, keep pushing until you get the help you need.
It may take you time to uncover everything available to your parent to help with this care process but trust me, it will be worth it in the many years elder care can stretch out to be. It is best to discuss with them all their health and medical, financial and personal situations before that day arrives. When they are older the best thing you can give them is you. Spend quality time instead of stress time. Have them over for a day and dinner instead of needing to pawn them off on someone else. The resentment builds if you do this alone and there are many really good care facilities to take that burden off your shoulders.
Safety and honesty is what makes those later years a good memory for your aging parent!
Your Aging Parents: an “Old Folks” Home or Sanctuary – FamilyVision Column
“No, I’ve been the one sacrificing my life to accommodate her,” complains Gwen. “Well, I’ve sent plenty of money. Sis, you’re the one who lives with her,” screams Terrance over the TV. “I think it’s only fair that she stays with you,” states Gwen. The two adults continue to argue. Out of the back room comes their 80 years old mother, crying and in tears, “Take me to a nursing home!”
Introduction
How can you decide on the long-term care of your parents? How do you handle your brothers and sisters and maintain sanity? These questions are only one snapshot of what the future may hold for you. You can’t hide from these decisions. Trouble can find you anywhere. We are called the sandwich generation because we find ourselves simultaneously caring for our elderly parents and our children. Families are no longer in shouting distance from each other; our society has become a very mobile civilization without family and community support. There are countless stories of siblings arguing about who’s going to care for their parents, who’s in charge, and who’s going to pay for it.
Changing World
America continues to grow older as a civilization. Good health, improvements in medicine and technology are producing new social problems. The aging “Baby Boomer” generation, with its high income and education, will shatter stereotypes and set new cultural standards. According to the 1998 U.S. Census Report, the population is made up of about 12.7 percent seniors (65 years & older). One report found that in many developed countries in the West, older women are much more likely to live alone than are older men, partly because women are more likely to be widowed than men. This expanding senior sector will continue to be marked by diversity and unpredictability.
Hard Choices
Many families do not want to discuss long-term care with their parents. We try to push it away. However, as we watch our parents grow older each day, we find ourselves feeling uncomfortable. Long-term care is the biggest unfunded liability for many families. According to the 1997 Centers for Disease Control’s study, there were 1.5 million seniors living in nursing homes. Long-term care can involve a host of considerations. Options include community care, adult day care, home health care, assisted-living care, and life-care facilities to name a few. Each has its advantages and disadvantages. Many don’t realize the financial strain aging can cause such as the cost of caring for chronic medical conditions. Can you afford not to think about it before it’s too late? You can, however, start to take actions.
Below are some suggestions:
• Talk with parents about their wishes.
• Encourage your parents to complete a will.
• Sell any property with relatives (parents, etc.)ASAP.
• Remember,property with siblings can be a horror story.
• Stay positive amidst negative family members.
• Discuss family finances openly.
• Discover your role in your parents’ care.
• Seek professional advice (legal, financial, etc.).
• Make a valuable contribution during this time.
Conclusion
Planning is important to ensuring that our parents will continue to live with dignity and fulfillment. How to handle long-term care of parents will continue to be a major issue in the future. People must decide how they will handle these problems. Some family members will continue to be selfish, putting most of the work on the overworked; caring for our elderly is a sacred tradition. Ask the hard questions. Make the important decisions. Gain your happiness back. Our parents deserve the best. Start today!
Aging Parents and Role Reversal
Aging Parents is one of the toughest areas to work with. Like our children we have to take care of them, yet we still try to respect their role as our parents. When the roles reverse it is an emotional change as well as a necessary physical change for them. They need help, direction and sometimes a nudge to acknowledge that their life is changing and needs are growing. Some times we have to watch out for emotional as well as physical changes. This article offers insite to Aging, Depression, Suicide And EQ.
It is sometimes extremely difficult for our parents to tell us what they have. So, as you are putting your life together and making sure your ducks are all in a row, be doing the same for your elderly parents. Discuss all subjects openly and they start to do the same. The generation before the baby boomers were under the impression that after they retired, social security and the companies they worked for would take care of them. You have to initiate the conversation as they don't want to make their loved ones uncomfortable.
Times have changed and you have to step in. Ask if they have the important items somewhere safe.
1. Do you have a will?
2. Health Proxy?
3. Who would you want to manage your property, finances and make medical decisions if you were unable?
4. Power of Attorney
5. Where are important papers kept.
6. Regular Bills and when they are paid.
7. Medical information..kept where? or posted near doorway.
8. Address Book for important contacts.
9. Find out last wishes.
10.Titles to property and vehicles.
Aging Parents do not always want to discuss these things but believe me, it's better to know than not.
This is the day you thought would never happen. Your roles in life are reversing. Your trying to make decisions for yourself and your Aging Parent. What will be best for them without altering your life too drastically. How do you keep up the pace and ultimately please everyone around you? You are not alone in life, you have a family, significant other, a career to think about. You want to balance everything to keep everyone happy and life as normal as possible. Think again! Those once a week visits or daily phone calls aren’t enough anymore. Your parent needs care, the real kind.
The care includes making sure they eat, that they take their meds, that their money isn’t being floundered away on TV shopping. You have siblings that think Assisted Living or Nursing Facilities are awful and they don’t want to put Mom or Dad in one even though they also don’t want to help out. How do you cope? How do you deal with this situation without alienating every member of your family?
First understand, it’s not about you. What I mean by that statement is that it is not about guilt and what some think is the “Right thing to do”. It’s not about hanging on to someone that they used to be. They are an elderly person in need of constant care and attention. If you need a dose of growing up, this situation will make it happen whether your ready or not!
Start with their doctor. Have an appointment to discuss the faltering health of your beloved parent. You can also check into the hospital that their health care is associated. Every hospital has an elder care group of some type. The medical coverage will also have affiliations with elder sourcing. Between the doctor and the medical coverage group, you may be able to determine the types of help and living style your parents current status requires. Keep asking until you have the best situation for all concerned. It may be as simple as an Aide visiting once or twice a day to help with showering, dressing, meals and meds. Their health may need more than that and the visiting nurse or doctor’s office is the place to apply the concern. The best word to learn to help an elder parent is the same as if your infant child were being cared for and that is SAFETY. If safety is not at the level necessary, keep pushing until you get the help you need.
It may take you time to uncover everything available to your parent to help with this care process but trust me, it will be worth it in the many years elder care can stretch out to be. It is best to discuss with them all their health and medical, financial and personal situations before that day arrives. When they are older the best thing you can give them is you. Spend quality time instead of stress time. Have them over for a day and dinner instead of needing to pawn them off on someone else. The resentment builds if you do this alone and there are many really good care facilities to take that burden off your shoulders.
Safety and honesty is what makes those later years a good memory for your aging parent!
Your Aging Parents: an “Old Folks” Home or Sanctuary – FamilyVision Column
“No, I’ve been the one sacrificing my life to accommodate her,” complains Gwen. “Well, I’ve sent plenty of money. Sis, you’re the one who lives with her,” screams Terrance over the TV. “I think it’s only fair that she stays with you,” states Gwen. The two adults continue to argue. Out of the back room comes their 80 years old mother, crying and in tears, “Take me to a nursing home!”
Introduction
How can you decide on the long-term care of your parents? How do you handle your brothers and sisters and maintain sanity? These questions are only one snapshot of what the future may hold for you. You can’t hide from these decisions. Trouble can find you anywhere. We are called the sandwich generation because we find ourselves simultaneously caring for our elderly parents and our children. Families are no longer in shouting distance from each other; our society has become a very mobile civilization without family and community support. There are countless stories of siblings arguing about who’s going to care for their parents, who’s in charge, and who’s going to pay for it.
Changing World
America continues to grow older as a civilization. Good health, improvements in medicine and technology are producing new social problems. The aging “Baby Boomer” generation, with its high income and education, will shatter stereotypes and set new cultural standards. According to the 1998 U.S. Census Report, the population is made up of about 12.7 percent seniors (65 years & older). One report found that in many developed countries in the West, older women are much more likely to live alone than are older men, partly because women are more likely to be widowed than men. This expanding senior sector will continue to be marked by diversity and unpredictability.
Hard Choices
Many families do not want to discuss long-term care with their parents. We try to push it away. However, as we watch our parents grow older each day, we find ourselves feeling uncomfortable. Long-term care is the biggest unfunded liability for many families. According to the 1997 Centers for Disease Control’s study, there were 1.5 million seniors living in nursing homes. Long-term care can involve a host of considerations. Options include community care, adult day care, home health care, assisted-living care, and life-care facilities to name a few. Each has its advantages and disadvantages. Many don’t realize the financial strain aging can cause such as the cost of caring for chronic medical conditions. Can you afford not to think about it before it’s too late? You can, however, start to take actions.
Below are some suggestions:
• Talk with parents about their wishes.
• Encourage your parents to complete a will.
• Sell any property with relatives (parents, etc.)ASAP.
• Remember,property with siblings can be a horror story.
• Stay positive amidst negative family members.
• Discuss family finances openly.
• Discover your role in your parents’ care.
• Seek professional advice (legal, financial, etc.).
• Make a valuable contribution during this time.
Conclusion
Planning is important to ensuring that our parents will continue to live with dignity and fulfillment. How to handle long-term care of parents will continue to be a major issue in the future. People must decide how they will handle these problems. Some family members will continue to be selfish, putting most of the work on the overworked; caring for our elderly is a sacred tradition. Ask the hard questions. Make the important decisions. Gain your happiness back. Our parents deserve the best. Start today!
Aging Parents and Role Reversal
Aging Parents is one of the toughest areas to work with. Like our children we have to take care of them, yet we still try to respect their role as our parents. When the roles reverse it is an emotional change as well as a necessary physical change for them. They need help, direction and sometimes a nudge to acknowledge that their life is changing and needs are growing. Some times we have to watch out for emotional as well as physical changes. This article offers insite to Aging, Depression, Suicide And EQ.
It is sometimes extremely difficult for our parents to tell us what they have. So, as you are putting your life together and making sure your ducks are all in a row, be doing the same for your elderly parents. Discuss all subjects openly and they start to do the same. The generation before the baby boomers were under the impression that after they retired, social security and the companies they worked for would take care of them. You have to initiate the conversation as they don't want to make their loved ones uncomfortable.
Times have changed and you have to step in. Ask if they have the important items somewhere safe.
1. Do you have a will?
2. Health Proxy?
3. Who would you want to manage your property, finances and make medical decisions if you were unable?
4. Power of Attorney
5. Where are important papers kept.
6. Regular Bills and when they are paid.
7. Medical information..kept where? or posted near doorway.
8. Address Book for important contacts.
9. Find out last wishes.
10.Titles to property and vehicles.
Aging Parents do not always want to discuss these things but believe me, it's better to know than not.